Toxic Relations, or…“Nobody Don’t Do Nothin’ For No Good Reason”

That is quite a expression, isn’t it?  (pondering) … do 4 negatives make a positive?  Will it become a double-whammy?  Or does it neutralize the meaning?

This statement was a like mantra repeated over and over by a former supervisor in my working world.  I heard it for 12 years, and it seeped in, slowly but surely.  Truth: At the time, its meaning was lost on me; maybe I didn’t want to understand it. I considered it a derogatory way of dealing with people-differences.  Thankfully, minds change.

Over the decades since, the wisdom of these words has been proven, over and over 346again.  Getting to the heart of it:  Everybody does something for a reason.  Isn’t that so true?  So why do we allow toxic thoughts, responses and reactions to drive our emotional train?  Can we attempt, instead, to instill a little compassion into an aching wound and ferret another way to bring balance and harmony rather than fuel the toxic condition?

We may not know the reason, nor understand or like it once we do, but people have a lifetime of behavior modeled by family, friends, employers, and loved ones of all sorts from whom to gather their worldly views.  It matters little if the behaviors are ‘good’ or ‘bad’, motivating and supporting or detrimental to their health and wellbeing.

Our visualization of those models, and living within the context of those conditions, sets the tone for all that may come as we begin to act similarly.  That puts in motion how we do things from then on…unless there’s a life event that, like a comet that strikes us from above, wakes us from the old reality to show us a new and better way.

It doesn’t matter if you’re a 5-year-old or 50-something.  Your experiences taught you how to ‘see’ the world around you, the environment, the people, the joys and the predicaments.  You respond.  And then your response is perceived by others.  Will it be received in a positive or a negative way?  Will they merely observe your reaction, or be on the receiving end of it?  How will that feel?

So that’s the big question.  How will we respond when something happens that shakes our world?  Will it be a person using words or a catastrophic ‘event’ of sorts that taps us on the shoulder and says, hey, wake up!  And if it is one of those crazy experiences that makes no sense at all, what will you do about it?

For a while now, I have tried to start with this:  “Nobody Don’t Do Nothin’ For No Good Reason.”   The idea is to pretend that you’re having an out of world experience, looking at the condition or the situation from a distance.  And work backwards from there; you may have to dig deep to appreciate the underlying reason.  And surely, new truths may be revealed.  The one who brought you the (pain, anger, etc.) – what is their life like and how can that have influenced the current situation?

Whatever you discover, know that it will be just one slice of reality, a snippet in time of something much bigger than each incident standing on its own merits.  Nobody don’t do nothin’ for no good reason.  Ok. Let’s try to understand.  Our response may depend on it for a positive outcome.  And that outcome has a capacity to change our world.

Especially if we don’t take “it” personally, and perhaps just say “next”.


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